Gamescrap has 7 chronicles

1. ET: The Extra Terrestrial (Atari 2600)
   

   Player Chronicle -- Posted on Apr 23 2008

   Join me, if you will, for a trip back to 1982. Disco was essentially dead, Pac Man was cutting edge, Kool and the Gang was actually considered to be cool, and ET was the all time highest grossing movie EVAR. Another sign of the times was that Atari had 80% of the market share, thus giving Atari free reign to do pretty much whatever they wanted, since they were publishing their own games (save for Activision that is) they profited off of every piece of software that was put out. Smelling a cash cow, the head of Warner Bros. Interactive, who owned Atari at the time, negotiated a deal to get the rights to the ET franchise for a game since it would only make sense to get the rights to the biggest movie at the time onto a game for the greatest console at the time. It was a win-win situation for all…or was it?
   
   Warner and Atari were so confident that they would have the biggest game of 1982, they ended up paying somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-25 million for the license. As if the exorbitant amount of money for the license wasn’t a bad enough idea, they assigned the project to Howard Scott Warshaw, (who programmed Yar’s Revenge amongst other games for Atari) and gave him a strict deadline to make the game in time for the 1982 holiday season. Strict would be an understatement, as the deadline was anywhere between four weeks and a couple of months. Atari felt confident that the game would sell well based off the name recognition alone. Needless to say, their cockiness would end up being their downfall as they produced 5 million copies of ET (more games than there were 2600 consoles in homes mind you), and only managed to sell 1-2 million. As if to add insult to injury, the majority of them were returned and ultimately became gaming legend. This move, as well as the Atari 2600 version of Pac Man, would not only single handedly kill Atari, but would send the gaming industry screaming like a scared school girl into a fiery, explosive death.
   
   
   
   The Greeks, when not oiling each other up and wrestling, capture ham-headed aliens in their spare time.
   
   
   After the disappointing holiday sales, Atari had a ton of stock that they couldn’t even give away. As legend goes, they took the remaining copies of ET (and some will say Pac Man as well) and disposed of them in a landfill in New Mexico. To make sure nobody would get anything for free, they steamrolled the cartridges and poured cement over them to seal away the evil forever, thus setting the stage for one of the most storied, and worst games ever. Everything about ET oozes the terms “rush job” and “cash in” like no other game. The mixture of bad visuals (yes, even by 2600 standards), overly frustrating and often times broken gameplay, and seemingly unreachable goals make ET less like a game and more like a bunch of pointless busy work that make a root canal or taking care of your grandmother ridden with the crabapple mcnasties more entertaining by comparison. This game is so horridly bad that I feel I should be compensated for the time I played it, but instead, I had an epiphany that would be just as good since the art of time reimbursement hasn’t been concocted yet. I’m going to give myself ten minutes to write the proper portions of this article, as it took me about that long to get bored, tired, and frustrated with this game – and that’s just being generous. I’ll be timing myself for each paragraph, if I don’t get to something, I’m truly sorry. Actually I’m lying. Let’s get this thing over with.
   
   (00:00)The transparent premise of the game is to guide ET through a maze of similar looking areas and pits (oh good god, the pits!) to find three parts of a phone to “phone home” to his mothership and get the hell out of dodge. In pursuit are scientists and FBI agents that will stop at nothing to rob you of all of your phone parts as well as the random Reese’s Pieces you pick up along the way, which you can eat in certain places for extra energy, that is, if they’re not maliciously stolen from you every two minutes. You have energy that acts as a timer and will count down with every move you make. Falling into pits will further drain your health, which you might as well get used to; you’ll be doing it A LOT.
   
   
   
   Oh look...another freakin' pit.
   
   (02:00) While you’re searching for items, icons will appear on top of the screen. You can use your action button to perform different actions based off the icon displayed. Some icons will allow you to warp ahead one screen in a certain direction (designated by an arrow), call your pal Elliot to cash in Reese’s Pieces for bonus points, repel any humans away from you, eat said Pieces for extra health, and show you if there are any phone parts hidden in the particular area you’re in. You can also use the action button to run really fast to get away from anyone chasing you down, or if you’re trying to set some sort of a record like those guys who play SMB 3 in 11 minutes.
   
   (05:00) Of course, the gameplay are where the majority of the game’s flaws shine an angelic glow. You’ll fall into pits every thirty seconds, sometimes even faster, and while you’re able to float out of most of them, there are some that are inescapable and you’ll be stuck watching your three lives waste away while you try to escape the insufferable womb you’ve wandered into. The majority of the time will be spent walking to the next screen only to find yourself falling into a pit that you couldn’t see. The pits really break the flow of the game and would be better if they weren’t hell to get out of half the time, even the controls only work a portion of the time, thus making you lose precious energy pressing the action button repeatedly to get your float on. It’s one thing to overcome obstacles; it’s another to overcome game crippling obstacles.
   
   
   
   lol Elliot FTW lol
   
   (08:00) In addition to the pits from hell, the random FBI agents and scientists will go out of their way to inconvenience you. FBI agents will take some of your items while scientists will take you back to their lab and make you lose your place as well as your bearings. Like their pit brethren, if they’re hiding out on the next screen, you can walk right into them just by going to the next area. They’ll be waiting. With the combination of these guys, the life draining pits, and the fact that you only have three lives (which lives two and three only give you 1200 energy as opposed to the 9999 you initially start with) make beating this game a nearly impossible feat. Even if you do, the game will start over and only prolong your pain.
   
   (11:00) As I previously mentioned, the visuals are pretty bad. The forest areas you venture through are comprised of trees on the ground that you amazingly walk over. At least the jungle in Pitfall actually resembled a jungle for god’s sake. Phone parts don’t really resemble anything seen on a phone, let alone the zany Speak-n-Spell combination ET made in the movie, but I’ll be kind and chalk that up to limitations of the technology. Environments aren’t varied, since there are only about six screens with different patterns of holes for you to try to fall into. On the good side, Elliot’s house actually looks like a house, but the laboratory and FBI office resemble ancient Greek ruins more than what they’re supposed to represent. Scientists look like guys wearing towels as opposed to guys in lab coats or HAZMAT suits. Fortunately, the FBI guys actually look like they're in the FBI. ET is also green, to which I ask why not brown since I’ve seen the 2600 display the ugliest shades of brown on numerous occasions. The good news is that ET will turn white when he dies…about the only thing that occurs that’s even remotely close to the movie. Backgrounds consist of green, green, blue, and even more green. Reese’s Pieces are designated by green dots that are a little darker than the background they’re on.
   
   
   
   The thrilling intro sequence.
   
   (22:00) If there’s anything good about this mess; it’s going to be sound. What I mean by good really means the lesser of the four evils in this case, but not by much. Footsteps are here in all of their annoying, repetitive 2600 glory, and you’ll even get hurried footstep noises when you’re running across areas on your way to inevitably fall into another pit on the next screen, which the pits also play a nice falling noise that compliment the pulling of hair rather well, kinda like the Price is Right “you lose” song. You’ll be rewarded with the ET theme at the title screen and when you die, which the somewhat happy tune takes the edge off dying despite being a questionable design choice. It’s as if to say “In case you forgot what all this crap is, here’s the ET theme again” or better yet, what better way to say “Steven Spielberg loves your money” than with a song?
   
   I swear, I couldn’t even get through this in ten minutes. Even when I’m not playing this game, it’s sucking the life out of me. While some people may contest that this is an enjoyable adventure game, I say that they’re all a bunch of celibate saints. I can’t fathom anyone finding this game enjoyable, much less not having sex. ET is just a mess all around, though it is by no means the programmer’s fault, but the fault of Atari attempting to set the standard of what game companies of the future have tried to do, just in a more obvious way. Make a mediocre game in time for the holidays or the release and watch the monkeys who work for a living buy it based off of the name alone while the fat cats take time off of the tennis court to count the cash that’s rolling in. Stepping off my soapbox, I hope that this can teach someone that despite the fact that there’s a game out there with a title named after the big movie of the time, it doesn’t mean it’s actually any good. Though I feel that I’m preaching to the choir right now, let us remember that Enter The Matrix was a top selling game a few years ago. The folks who instigated this travesty got what they deserved.

   
   

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Gamescrap has 1 comment on this chronicle.

1. BEN
   Posted On Apr 24 2008

   You'd think with such a large market share, Atari could have lasted longer, haha! I've also heard many people say this ET video game was an embarrassment to the movie. Great Chronicle here and thanks for the interested read...I enjoyed the intro the most
   
   10/10